Wait until Zen

March 12, 2009 • Posted in Beth Finke, blindness, Uncategorized by
That's Emjoy (the actress who plays Susy, the blind woman), Ron OJ Parsons (the director), me, and Hanni, of course. We're on the set of Court Theatre's production of "Wait Until Dark."

That's Emjoy Gavino (the actress who plays Susy, the blind woman), Ron OJ Parsons (the director), me, and Hanni, of course. We're on the set of Court Theatre's production of "Wait Until Dark."

If you’ve read my past couple of posts, you know that I am, ahem, a technical consultant for the upcoming production of Wait Until Dark at the Court Theatre in Chicago.

The stage is set up for previews now, and last Tuesday stage management invited me to come and check it out. Emjoy, the actress playing the blind woman, introduced me to the set. She and Ron Parsons, the director, asked lots of questions during my tour, mostly just to confirm they were doing the blind stuff right — not just waving a hand wildly over a tabletop, for example, but coming at it from the bottom first, then gently, gently brushing over the top to find what you’re looking for. That sort of thing.

They’d had a few preview nights already, and audience members were invited to stay after for a question and answer session. A question from one audience member was really bothering Ron. Seems there’s a scene in the play where the thugs are in the apartment, standing still, not breathing. The blind woman is on the phone, nearly two feet away from one of the actors, but she doesn’t notice he is there.

The audience member said the cast lost him right there. He said there was no way the blind woman wouldn’t know the thug was there — he was just two feet away. The guy in the audience didn’t believe anything in the play after that.

These theater people are going to have a hard time pulling this play off, I’m afraid. So many people have pre-conceived notions about the blind — that we have superpowers, we can hear things others don’t perceive, if someone is near us we can just feel their presence. “I told that guy in the audience that Beth Finke told us she wouldn’t know!” Ron said. That made me laugh. Beth Finke, expert in all things blind.

Ron wanted to do an experiment to prove his point. He’d have the actors stand still at different parts of the stage. “Would you mind coming up, walking around, let us know when you can tell where they are?” I didn’t mind, I mean, it was a weird idea — kind of like playing “Marco Polo” on dry ground. And without the “Polo.” But hey — I was the technical consultant. I was there to help.

I got on stage. After getting my bearings, I started walking around, just a few steps at a time. I was grateful that Emjoy had taken such care describing the set — I felt somewhat familiar with my surroundings. And I’d come to know the cast well enough by then that I could trust that someone wood stop me if I got too near the edge.

By the time our game was over, I hadn’t found a single actor. Oh, except for one — he was standing near the coat rack. I reached out to feel the coats, and felt an arm instead. Scary!

Truth is, if I hadn’t been told to try to hear the actors on stage, I would have never ever in a million years known they were there. Even knowing I was supposed to find them, I’d lost that hide-and-seek round.

After the experiment was over, and they started breathing and moving around normally, I had a better sense of where everyone was. An actor who’d been standing in a closet said the experiment unnerved him. “That was freaky! You were looking RIGHT at me! You looked me right in the eyes!” He said his heart raced when I was so close to him. “I can’t believe you didn’t hear my heart beating!”

A few more questions from different cast members, a few more experiments with sounds — can you hear the blinds? Do you notice different footsteps? — and it was break time. Time for me to go home.

As I stood waiting for someone to lead me out of the theatre, I started preparing myself mentally for the hangover I was sure to have once I got home. It happened every time — after the first rehearsal where we sat around the circle, and then again after the two visits with Emjoy. I’m just not used to thinking about my blindness so much. I mean, of course I know I’m blind, but I just don’t focus on that when I’m out and about.

And so, as exciting as it was to be the center of attention at the theatre for a while, to have very smart people ask me all sorts of questions about the things I do, and to realize I can show these very smart people something they couldn’t figure out for themselves, even if they put blindfolds on, well… those guys can get off the stage, quit acting once the play is over every night. I can’t.

I was lost in those thoughts when the actor I’d “looked” at right in the eye interrupted me. “It must be sort of Zen, being blind.” he said. I’d never thought of it that way, but that notion brought me back to thinking about the benefits of not being able to see. I can’t judge people by what they look like. I can only judge on what people say, and what they do. When I walk with others, I hold their arms. It’s more intimate. I never ever had a dog before I lost my sight. I love my Seeing Eye dog. I used to rely on sheet music, now I’m a better jazz musician –I play the piano by ear. The list of benefits goes on and on, and this actor had just brought up a new one.

People who can see are distracted. Too much in their way. Big screen TVs. Magazines at grocery check-out lanes. Billboards. YouTube. iPhones. I told the actor he was right. It is Zen-like. “I’m relieved of vision,” I said. “I have more time to think!”

Sandra Murillo On March 12, 2009 at 8:55 pm

Um, yeah that part where you had to walk around the stage with all the actors sounds creepy! A friend and I often talk about the odd misconceptions the public has about people with disabilities (she has CP.) Unfortunately, those will always exist in the US and elsewhere. Most of the time they annoy me, but then when I think back to them I’m amused with how people get such strange ideas! Often I can’t help but laugh! As I said a while ago, I give the cast a thumbs up; it’s great they took the time to ask someone who has had the experience of blindness for advice.

Sandra

bethfinke On March 12, 2009 at 10:53 pm

Yes! Thumbs up for the cast! I am going to a preview tonight, in fact, and they’ve asked me to come up on stage with them for the q & a afterwards. you know, so I can field the “blind woman questions.” Will let you know how it all goes…

Sandra Murillo On March 12, 2009 at 11:40 pm

All right! Good luck!

Jenny On March 13, 2009 at 5:24 pm

Hey Beth. I’ve really enjoyed reading these last few posts and its great they are getting somebody involved who knows what they’re talking about, instead of just guessing what its like to be blind.
I had an interesting conversation with a guide dog trainer recently about misconceptions people have about blindness and what the dogs can do. She said she often hears people talking about her and sees them staring at her, as they think she is deaf and blind. Now she realises how we feel.

bethfinke On March 13, 2009 at 5:49 pm

Oh, I bet that dog trainer could tell some stoires about the comments she’s heard!
I *did* get to go to a preview yesterday and it was sensational. The very first comment during the q & a came from a woman who said her husband is visually impaired. “That actress was fabulous,” the woman said. “I was so glad she didn’t play it like we see in TV, where the blind person spends the whole time looking up to the sky!” The woman said she was startled when Emjoy came out at the end for her curtain call, she walked down the steps like someone who could see! The director complimented *me* for Emjoy’s good acting, but the credit goes entirely to Emjoy. She really researched this part, studied for it and took in all she observed. Plus, she’s a fantastic actress! It is such a terrific feeling to be even a small part of this production Mike is going with me to opening night on Sunday, I can’t wait to see (okay, hear) the play again..

Laurie Cashman On March 13, 2009 at 9:06 pm

Wow. What an interesting post. As I was reading the part about the audience member who was SURE a blind person would have known someone was two feet away, it made me remember what I heard as a child: that when someone is blind, all of their other senses are much more developed to compensate. Maybe that was an underlying misconception of this audience member. It sounds like this has been a very intense experience for you. I read your other recent blogs about this, but I’m really feeling this one.

Laurie Cashman On March 13, 2009 at 9:09 pm

Ooops, and I forgot to mention how beautiful the picture is.

Barbara Gaither On March 13, 2009 at 10:30 pm

Beth,
i loved this story and the thought of you helping out these folks was really cool. You are such an inspiration to so many and once again were able to do that in a very unique way. I particularly loved the enlightenment about what being blind “relieves: you of. It is great that you can focus on the positive, but even better that you can make others like myself really think about that. You are the best and I am one of your biggest fans! Thanks for sharing! Have a great weekend!
Barbara Gaither

Linda Miller On March 13, 2009 at 10:34 pm

Beth, I like your description of how you feel after doing this work, an emotional “hangover.” This seems like the kind of thoughtful topic you would talk about on Chicago Public Radio, especially with the connection to the local theater scene! Is it in the works?

miltotto On March 14, 2009 at 10:59 pm

Hello Beth,

Great story. You have a real talent for recognizing and bringing out the most interesting part of a situation.

Keep it up!

Milt

bethfinke On March 14, 2009 at 11:27 pm

Thanks, all, for the thoughtful comments.
And Linda, you are too clever! One thing I neglected to mention in this post is that…a sound producer from WBEZ was there with me Tuesday when I “explored” the set. Not sure yet if Chicago Public Radio is going to have me come in to their studio to do voice-overs for the finished piece or they’ll just edit what they recorded that day. Also not sure yet when the piece will air. Stay tuned!

Siobhan On March 15, 2009 at 11:46 am

I am really enjoying this thread about the play and your consulting, and do believe I might detect another book coming on. . .your adventures in chicago, maybe? Your writing just gets better and better. Have you ever appeared on Ragged Edge (did it used to be the Disability Rag, or something like that?)

I recently read John Hockenberry’s brilliant memoir, Moving Violations. Some fantastic writing there. He became a paraplegic after a car accident when he was 19, moved on to become an NPR reporter, and took the wheelchair literally everywhere (including all over Israel and Palestine). He’s really smart and funny about the kinds of assumptions people make about his disability, and about ACCESS–turns out he had a much easier time in Jerusalem than in Washington.

bethfinke On March 15, 2009 at 5:35 pm

Thanks so much for your compliment on my writing — that means a lot to me. I will admit I am especially proud of this particular post; somehow it came out just right. I *am* getting started on writing a third book…stay tuned!
I’m putting John Hockenberry’s memoir, Moving Violations” on my book list, maybe reading it will help me really get moving on this new book project of mine. I’d been listening to (and admiring the work of) John Hockenberry on NPR for years before he happened to mention in a story hat he uses a wheelchair to get around, I had no idea before then!

Marci On March 16, 2009 at 8:42 pm

Thanks for suggesting I read these entries regarding your consulting on this production. You were right. I thoroughly enjoyed them. I’m hoping for another entry updating us on the Audience Q & A in which you participated.

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