Their tooth fairy Is A lazy, shiftless hussy

June 5, 2015 • Posted in Blogroll, guest blog, questions kids ask, Uncategorized, visiting schools, writing by

You might recognize my friend Lynn LaPlante Allaway’s name: she is principal violist with the Chicago Jazz Philharmonic. Lynn wrote a guest post here after Whitney and I visited her kids’ elementary school, and your fun comments to that post helped encourage her to start a blog of her own called Backwards and in High Heels. Read these excerpts from a post she published there last Tuesday and you’ll discover that Lynn’s new blog is going to be about more than music:

A photo from One of Lynn’s kids classrooms we visited a couple years ago. I hope the tooth fairy can find them all!

One of the classrooms we visited at Lynn’s kids’ school. Hope the tooth fairy finds them when she needs to!

The title of Lynn’s June 2 post is Our Tooth Fairy Is A Lazy, Shiftless Hussy, and it starts like this:

Oh, the shame! I was walking past my kids’ room last night and on the bedroom door, there hung a note. It was addressed to our Tooth Fairy, that truant little bitch.

Here Lynn inserts a photo of the note her dauther wrote. Seeing, ahem, as I can’t see photos, I was ever-so-grateful Lynn spelled out the words on the note, too. She writes, “If you can’t decipher kids’ scrawl, here it is spellchecked, for your reading pleasure.”:

Dear Tooth Fairy,

Please come get my tooth. I have been waiting for 4 days.

Top Bunk

Lynn speakes out “on behalf of beleaguered Tooth Fairies everywhere” when she admits she didn’t even know Sophie had lost a tooth. “It apparently happened the night I had a concert, so go ahead and throw a big heap of Workin’ Mama Guilt on top of this Shame Sandwich,” She writes. “Our partially-toothless daughter had been suffering in silence, waiting patiently for three nights before she even let us know she had a tooth under her pillow!” Back to the excerpt:

When she finally told us about it, I was horrified and said many nasty things about our Tooth Fairy that I now regret: how she is unreliable; takes to drinking under stress and blacking out for days and nights on end; how after she’s been to the house to collect teeth, I notice little things, like jewelry and loose change, have gone missing. Maybe, in retrospect, I laid it on a little too thick but I wanted her to understand who we’re dealing with here.

So back to me. Is Sophie’s fairy tale ruined for life? Will she start therapy soon? Or does the tooth fairy elbow out the evil mother? Do Sophie’s GPS coordinates finally lead the fairy to the upper bunk? I guess you’ll just have to link to the shiftless hussy blog post on Backwards in High Heels to find out for yourself. Welcome to blogland, Lynnie

Doug Finke On June 5, 2015 at 5:23 pm


Lynn LaPlante Allaway On June 6, 2015 at 9:11 am

Badass Beth! You are my angel. My encouraging, confidence-building and very bossy Angel and I LOVE YOU! Thank you so much for posting this. I really, really don’t know what I’m doing with this blog, but I decided to not let that stop me anymore. Caution has been thrown to the wind and I’m having FUN!

Seriously, I love you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Mary Rayis On June 6, 2015 at 9:38 am

I loved this post! The whole Tooth Fairy gig got me down when my kids were little. I would forget about the tooth, or the kid would start to wake up when I crept in his room. My oldest child decided the paltry amount of 50 cents wasn’t worth giving up her teeth, so she kept them in a little box. (Guess I hadn’t adjusted the Tooth Fairy fee for inflation.) Thanks for lending your perspective to the issue in a humorous way. I’d say it’s time to fire the Tooth Fairy as one of our children’s fantasy figures.

bethfinke On June 6, 2015 at 5:16 pm

Mary, okay if I cut and paste this comment right onto Lyn’s post? That way I can be sure she sees it. And Lynn, and other blog readers who are reading these comments, I strongly encourage you to check out Mary Reis’ “Because I Said So” blog, too:


bethfinke On June 6, 2015 at 9:58 am

Oh, Lynn, it was my pleasure. I do hope people who read this post will link over to yours and start following you there. I especially want them to read your first post, the one you wrote in May. I had a hard time deciding which post to highlight in this little blog post of mine, they both are so honest, fun and sassy.

, Do keep writing, keep blogging and, especially, keep playing that jazzy viola. It’s all beautiful.


Deborah Darsie On August 9, 2015 at 11:14 am

I know I would never have had the guts to write such a note to the tooth fairy….if I had even felt insulted. I love the spirit of the note!

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