Gus loves to get out, and every other Saturday he goes to dinner with Bobbie Ladwig’s family. Here he’s getting attention from one of Bobbie’s daughters.
The emotions that come with loving an adult child who has significant disabilities can be difficult to put into words, but when a reporter interviewed my husband Mike for a story about our son Gus in this month’s Bethesda Messenger, Gus’ dad found just the right things to say.
Gus and his three roommates moved into a four-bedroom ranch house in Watertown, Wisconsin in 2006, and the story is an update on how they are doing now, seven years later. The house is supported with 24-hour staffing, and when he’s home, Gus loves sitting at the front window and watching kids play baseball in the small park across the street. Thing is, though, Gus is hardly ever home!
Our son rides a van to a nearby workshop on weekdays, and on his days off, Gus goes to music concerts, attends baseball games, visits the zoo. This weekend he’s going to a carnival with Bobbie Ladwig, one of the direct support professionals at his house. It’ll be Gus’ first time on a Tilt-o-Whirl, and I don’t know who is more excited, Bobby or Gus. In the Messenger article, Bobby tells us that a favorite activity for Gus is eating out at local restaurants :
Ladwig’s wife and six children have become part of the routine. “Every other Saturday, on the days I work, my family meets all of us at the selected restaurant,” Ladwig said. “My kids really look forward to seeing the guys and it is a great time.”
Uprooting Gus seemed daunting to us at first. We would have rather had Gus live in a group home closer to our apartment in Chicago, you know, so we could drop by whenever we feel like it, take him out for ice cream, bring him home to visit now and then. Illinois ranks shamefully low when it comes to providing services for people with developmental disabilities, so Mike and I felt extremely fortunate and grateful to find Gus a home in a facility hours away in Wisconsin. His house is run by Bethesda Lutheran Communities, Inc. “Things have been good for Gus. He gets out of the house and there are plenty of things that he is doing,” Mike told the Messenger reporter. “We have faith in the Bethesda organization.”
On our drives home from visiting Gus, Mike and I always talk about relocating to Wisconsin ourselves. Until that happens, we take great comfort in knowing our son is in good hands, and that he’s healthy and very happy.
Gus benefits from living in a regular neighborhood, and the community benefits from having him out there with them, too. “We used to come up to make sure Gus was OK,” Mike said. “Now we come just to visit him.”
I just love this story. The desire of a parent to want a child to stay nearby would have resulted in such a different life for Gus. All of you are amazing. I keep saying it, but you keep proving it, over and over.
Thanks so much for this post Beth! I feel as though I know Gus from reading your book, “Long time, No See.” It’s great to hear that he’s doing so well.
Thanks for sharing this story. Once again you have taught me that living a stereotyped life is not a requrement for finding peace and joy.
Hugs and love,
Barbara
Aha! Quite the contrary…! Hugs and love to you back, Barbara.
Yes, you, Mike, Gus, and Bobby are amazing! I’m so happy to hear that Gus is doing well. You and Mike must be so happy that he is happy. Sounds like he is having more fun than all of us. He sure does get around. That’s wonderful!
He has a happy life. Such a comfort. One always hopes and prays that society will provide help for those of us who need it so. Blessings to the Bethesda Lutheran Communities.
Amen.
Thank you for sharing this story! Your lives have been challenging to say the least! I was curious about Gus after reading Beth’s book, and am so happy to hear he is doing well. I think “love” should be considered the primary sense because it makes the heart glad!
Thanks, Anne,and thank you to Sue above, too, for the “plugs” for my memoir!
So glad Gus is doing well and so grateful that there are people who give so much of themselves to the vulnerable in our society.
L’Chayim!
Gus is lookin’ good . . . can’t believe he’s 26 or Emma’s 24 . . .
Me, neither.
I think your math is wrong. I’m sure it is. It has to be.
I have friends in Racine who have two sons with fragile x syndrome which causes developmental delays. They moved to Wisconsin from the east coast because of the wonderful facilities there. Their sons also live in an apartment with wonderful caretakers. I’m so glad Gus is there and is leading such a stimulating life.
Yes! On, Wisconsin!
Hey what a great story! Glad to hear Gus is doing so well. I have a feeling that cutie with him will be a caring person too, from what we know about her family from this post. They sound like some great people. Go Wisconsin!
Perhaps your greatest asset as a writer is your refusal to either wallow in pathos or to color it rosy. The result is powerful prose from an open heart, one that is scarred (tee hee, couldn’t resist that one;-) and resilient and human. You write from your heart and your mind, a winning connection. (And it doesn’t hurt that you are good with words.)
Oh, Lauren, compliments like this mean so much to me, especially coming from a fine writer like you. I’ll email you privately, maybe you can write the book jacket for my next book…!
I just have to say we completely adore Gus!! Thank you for writing about him and for sharing him with our family. The kids love going out with all the guys and they are all part of our family. We are blessed that Bobbie has this “job”..even though it doesn’t feel like a job to him most of the time! 🙂
I hope to meet you and Mike soon too!! Thanks again! Melissa Ladwig!
Will you all be at the barbecue at Gus’ house at the end of September? Hope so — meet you there! I agree so much with Nancyb’s comment above, you and Bobbie are raising such wonderful children. THANK YOU, Gus & US are so fortunate to have you in our lives. .
YES!! We will be there! Look forward to meeting you and Mike! See you then!
Melissa–it’s Mike, Gus’ dad here. Can’t thank you and Bobbie and your kids enough. And from the pictures Bobbie sends, Gus clearly appreciates it. See you at the cookout!
So glad to hear this news of Gus and for you to share this hard stuff on your blog. You are a great family.
Thanks. Takes one to know one, I guess — love to you and Family Livingston.
It is because of you and Mike that I learned what developmentally disabled people teach us about love.
Happy that Gus is having an interesting, stimulating, busy life surrounded by loving folks.
Omg you have managed a difficult. situation and made it work for your family. Go figure, you do it every day! Love ya!
What a wonderful story, Beth. But you had better warn Gus about that Tilt-a-Whirl. I predict major nausea!
Actually, Mary…Gus did great on the Tilt-a-Whirl…Bobbie on the other hand was not looking so good! 🙂 I think Gus would have loved more rides, but Bobbie was not going to anymore! tee hee
Thanks, Beth. It has been so long since I have seen Gus that I remember him as a toddler in a little scooting thing in your Urbana house! It is nice to see him grown up and joyful. Even on the tilt-a-whirl (which would not bring me joy, just like Bobbie!). I am very happy that Gus is being taken care every day and loved – I know that must bring you and Mike great peace of mind.
I just found your letter about visiting Gus in Wisconsinthere¹s joy in itthak you, xo Judy Spock
From: Safe & Sound blog Reply-To: Safe & Sound blog Date: Sat, 10 Aug 2013 14:28:18 +0000 To: Judith Spock Subject: [New post] Gus & Us
WordPress.com bethfinke posted: ” The emotions that come with loving an adult child who has significant disabilities can be difficult to put into words, but when a reporter interviewed my husband Mike for a story about our son Gus in this month’s Bethesda Messenger, Gus’ dad found jus”
xo back to you, too, Judy.
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