Last week the prompt for my Wednesday memoir-writing class was, “How I Got through a Transition in Life that Wasn’t my Choice.” An overwhelming number of Chicagoans had voted against the new president, so I reasoned a lot of my writers might be concerned about Friday’s inauguration. “For next week I want you to look at one of these transitions, — a relationship that split up? leaving a job? moving somewhere? — that you didn’t want to have happen. Tell readers how you managed to survive it.”
Writers came back with stories of divorces, career changes, and job lay offs. Some wrote about advice from experts getting them through. For others it was help from family and friends. Letter-writing campaigns. Sheer determination.
And then came Sharon Kramer’s turn to read. Sharon was one of many women in class who’d participated in Chicago’s Women’s March last Saturday, and the essay she read aloud in class told us that when all else fails, she turns to parody:
My Transition to Alternative Facts
by Sharon Kramer
Abraham Lincoln was the 5th president of the United States. The most popular sport in the United states is table tennis. Lake Michigan is slightly larger than the Atlantic Ocean but not as salty.
You know those pesky things called facts? Remember them? A fact is something that has really occurred or is actually correct. Boring! Only losers believe in facts.
So, what is an alternative fact and is it ok to change reality in favor of this new kind of fact? Our esteemed president and his staff seem to think so. Me too. I happen to love alternative facts. It makes my life better. I mean really better.
But now as to why I am here. I want to address you, my classmates, the largest audience ever gathered of any writing class in the history of this great country. Really. This is a HUUUGE class. Thank you for coming. Much bigger than any class attended by Barack Hussein Obama or Lying Hillary.
I also want to let you know that I created a wonderful story for you today but gave it to our Renaissance Senior Center director to edit because Beth was out of the country and it was leaked to the lying press and I had to destroy it — for security reasons. Because I truly want to protect our great country as well as our Senior Center. I love this Senior Center. No-one, no-one, loves this senior center more than I do. I have sacrificed a lot for this place. For example, just today I gave up my Zumba class to be here with you.
You will be happy to know that as soon as my story is released, I will read it to you. You will be shocked at how great it is. Really. It is beautiful. Incredible. Beth would have loved my story and definitely posted it on her blog. The comments would have been extraordinary. Probably the most amazing comments she has received from any story on her blog — ever.
Don’t be upset though, for next week I will write another brilliant story and be able to share it with this incredible group of people. I love this group. No one loves this group more than I do. The story you will hear next week will make you laugh and cry at the same time. It will be flawless — a new standard for the written word and the unwritten word. And, with the support of the millions of people who love me, I am declaring this day next week — when I read my story – as a new holiday: National Writer’s Day in honor of me.
In the meantime, enjoy your weekend, you wonderful writers.
Signed: Sharon, a 25-year-old, 5 foot 10 inch, gorgeous blond bombshell, weighing in at 105 pounds and loving the alternative fact world.
Sharon, You made my day! Just love this piece. We all need a chuckle in this most difficult of times, and you gave us one. Wanna run for president? I’ll vote for you!
thanks. Yes, we all need a chuckle.
This is brilliant! I love it 🙂 I am four months into the relationship break up transition, and it’s not fun! I know things happen for a reason though, so I’m sure it will all work itself out. >
Oh, so sorry to hear of this break-up. I wonder, have you tried writing about it? Not for your blog, but just for your self? I’ve found that writing often helps me through a hard time, it allows me to sort things out in my head. Just a suggestion to you in Northern Ireland — please know I’m thinking of you in far away Chicago…
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Thanks. I am glad you enjoyed this.
Sharon, this is the greatest essay!!! I love it — AND I really loved hearing you read it and seeing your expressions! It was awesome! Thank you for sharing it and bringing humor into our class. Please know your writing class LOVES you more!! Really Loves you more! ?
I agree, Darlene. Sharon really stood out yesterday in the largest audience ever gathered of any memoir-writing class in the history of this great country. Really.
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Beth, She sure did!! It was awesome!
Nailed it! Thanks for putting a smile on my face. BTW, it’s the biggest, brightest, most contagious smile you have ever and will ever see again in your lifetime.
So glad. Thanks.
I believe it!
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After the first couple of sentences as you read this essay, I broke out into a smile. I savored every moment because it was a great parody of the Trump man. Thanks for your humor. It eases our pain.
Thanks Audrey. You are the BEST timekeeper I have ever met. Really. The best.
Brilliant!
thank you for putting a smile on my face!
Oh my gosh, that’s hilarious.
And for all we know, you may have run into Sharon at the Chicago Women’s march Saturday –do you see yourself in the photo, Susie?!
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This is the most extaordinary piece of writing I have ever read …ever
Yes. It is truly unpresidented.
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Hanh!!! I see what you did there…. Love it! And thanks to Sharing Sharon. It is a thing of beauty.
– Persnickety Penny
Beth-
That is priceless! Thanks for Sharon sharing!
Fancy Nisher
Sharing Sharon. Love it.
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These alternative facts have to be true because it couldn’t have been said any better! Great piece!!
Thanks. You are the best!
Hilarious!! Thank you, I needed that!…lol
It didn’t take long from the time scientists began talking about “alternative universes” for the truth dodgers to come up with “alternative facts” theories. Sharon should be in the running for the Nobel Prize in Literary Parody. Really, it’s going to be bigger than the Nobel Peace Prize. In my head, I’ve already nominated her.
Ha! you actually really did make me laugh out loud with this one, Mel. Honest.
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Beth, I’m so confused, I don’t know if you were really laughing out loud or using alternative hyperbole. Reminds me of a song that never was, “Take my hand, I’m a stranger in Paradox.” You’re a great influence. In fact the greatest influence in whole world. Honest.
I know what you mean, but when I said I laughed out loud, I really had. My goodness. I really do feel like a stranger in paradox.
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You are so right. Thank you.
Fabulous!
Sharon had the entire class roaring throughout her reading. 🙂
She sure did. No lie.
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I know you did and that gives me great pleasure. There was a wonderful piece in yesterday’s Trib about Plato’s defense of truth and knowledge. I’ll send it to you by email. The thing is, this whole mess we find ourselves in is very disturbing and thanks to Sharon, we’ve been able to find something of ourselves and a little levity to offset the pain. My sincere thanks to you both for recognizing and sharing that with all of us.
You are very welcome. It is always a pleasure to share writings from the classes I lead, and Sharon’s are among the finest –you might recall a guest post we published here in October that she’d written after voting early in Wrigleyville…
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Thank you. Kind words.
Sharon Kramer IS the best writer in the world. I mean, no one has talent that even comes close to hers. I mean she is fantastic! I should know – I am her sister. She is an unbelievable sister. I mean the best. No one has a better sister than me!!
Sincerely, Sharon’s sister, Marilyn, also a young, willowy natural blonde except I weigh 102#
Obviusly talent and good looks runs in the family –what fun to hear from you, Marilyn!
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Thank you for choosing this great piece to share on your blog!! So funny! So glad it was shared at the most well attended memoir writing class!!
Yes, it was the biggest audience of all memoir-writing classes. Okay, that is fake news. The real news is that everyone in class loved hearing Sharon read this piece, she had the timing right, and from what fellow writers tell me, the hand gestures and such were right on as well. Hmmm. Maybe it is the best class ever. Really. Best. Ever.
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The best. The very very best.
Yes. The audience was huuuuuuuuuuge!
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A near-perfect parody. The only miss was that Sharon used CORRECT grammar, as in “…better than I…” vs. better than me. I love her just for that, but than she made the point beautifully, as well. YES!
Sorry about that Doug. Next time i will do better. Really. I know you and me would get along great. I can tell as soon as I meet someone if there is a connection. You are the best.
You’re still making me laugh out loud. Great response.
I’m glad to see Sharon is writing and doing it so well.
Me, too!
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What a great read! Thanks for sharing this.
Sharon was very generous to give me permission to share it here. Gee whiz, maybe along with Mondays with Mike we should start a Saturday or Sunday “Sharing Sharon”?
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Terrific parody! And the comments, too! LOL
Yes, and your comment just now made it fifty. That is a huuuuuuuuge number of comments. The highest number of comments to a blog about a writer’s group ever. No blog about a writer’s group has ever gotten more comments than this one. Not ever. The readers love our blog posts. They really do.
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I laughed so hard, I had tears running down my , you know what. this is a brilliant piece parody….. needs to be ind The NewYorker!! Thank you Beth and thank you Sharon. This greatest of writing classes is proud to have you as a member.
Being here ;in Argentina, ;it is a little embarrassing to be an American…. A
We miss you, Annelore!
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