There is a lot of drivel on social media and I own up to having contributed my share of it. Usually it’s best to just let stuff go because, really, it evaporates as an issue in hours. (Unless you enjoy some celebrity and some stupid thing you said years ago comes up—but that’s another story.)
Still, I’m troubled by a little Facebook meme that has popped up more than once in the past couple days. It’s related to the allegations that have arisen about Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. Basically it goes like this:
Boys report priests molestation after 30 years = public outrage. Girls molested by guys are ridiculed for waiting too long.
Where to start?
First, how about reality. The Boston Globe’s Spotlight reports, made famous in the Oscar winning film, came 16 years ago. Two things about that: As we have learned, it’s still going on. And as we have also learned, it was going on for decades—decades before that. Which is to say, even after these men were heard, boys continued to be molested. We owe them more than complaining that somehow their plight is less awful than young womens’.
We also know that though most boys were afraid to speak up, it’s been documented that many boys did speak up to a parent or other adult. And they were disregarded and even chastised or punished for doing so. Just as many girls and young women who have the courage to speak up today are treated.
Instead of engaging in a “who’s more oppressed” derby in times like these, I think it’s better to recognize that these two situations have a lot in common. The boys (and there were lots of girls, too, btw) in the Catholic church scandal faced oppressive norms and power structures that enabled and covered up for horrific behavior.
Sound familiar?
That’s a human issue, one we all have a stake in and we all need to face, together.
Mike – appreciate your perspective on this and COMPLETELY agree that fighting over who is more oppressed doesn’t get to the work that really needs to get done. That said, I perceive that these messages are representative of women not being heard for YEARS. And we are disproportionately victimized with 1:10 rape victims being male (https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence). I Always appreciate your thougtful approach to social issues and look forward to future conversation on this topic.
Thanks Patricia, maybe we’ll see you in the Burgh some day.
this is a new way of looking at a horrible problem. All that speak up – must bee heard.
Thanks for the insight.
Nancy
Well said. I’ve talked to friends who have experienced abuse by male family members or respected friends of the family at a young age lasting for years. They stated they were afraid to reveal what happened because no one would have believe them, fear, being ashamed etc. As far as what’s been happening in today’s political and social climate it’s all a matter of who’s telling the truth. As teenagers anything can happen if you mix alcohol, hormones etc. We have all been there but we grow up and mature. Hopefully we choose to be better citizens and realize actions have consequences.
I think the dynamics of the two situations are very similar. Victims who report are marginalized, not believed, and harassed until we make it otherwise.
The most important take from this is BELIEVE KIDS when they confide that someone is acting “weird or funny” with them. I remember when I was around 11 years old, me, my sister and a friend were playing in a house under construction. A stranger came into the house, spotted us, unzipped his pants with his privates at full alert, and came after us. We jumped from the unfinished rafters, 1 1/2 floors down and got away. We ran to our friend’s place where her mother didn’t believe us. When my sister and I got home, we told our mom, who didn’t believe us, either. She told us to stop making up stories. We said nothing further, to anyone.
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