I don’t give the memoir writers in my classes assignments over the break. Many of them write on their own during time off, though, and when they do, I encourage them to bring their new essays to read aloud in class when we reconvene. All five of my classes are back in session after winter break, and this piece Kate De Mille brought to read for the first memoir-writing class in 2019 at Admiral at the Lake was so much fun that I asked her if we could share it with you Safe & Sound readers here. Lucky us — she said yes!
by Kate De Mille
It seemed like overnight when I noticed the dramatic change in my appearance. Yes, I had gained a little weight, but I’m talking about my face here: wrinkles!
I pride myself in having pretty, smooth skin for my age. At least, I used to. But now, little red veins, sagging cheeks, fuzzy eyebrows, bags under my eyes, a mustache that I could trim with my cuticle scissors and 2 “things” that looked like they may be warts starting to poke up near my eyelids. What was happening?
I started using makeup every morning — taking at least 20 minutes to apply the foundation, then the powder, the eyeliner, mascara, and putting some cover up on the “things.” Every time I passed a mirror I looked at myself. I used an X10 mirror to be sure I was seeing what I was seeing. It was true. I started to feel really down. I must be sick. Some insidious disease was causing my bodily distress.
Finally, I made an appointment with my doctor. I told him that I was feeling depressed. Tired. Not well. Something had to be wrong. After about 15 lab tests and a complete check up, the answer was that I appeared perfectly healthy. My blood pressure had increased, but only slightly. He gave me a prescription and told me to call if I was still feeling out of sorts.
At home, I took another good look in the mirror and noticed my eyelashes with the globs of mascara looking like two droopy spiders hanging on for dear life. The wrinkles were still there. This is ridiculous, I thought. How can I be so upset when my life was so fine. My husband insisted that I looked the same as always.
To relax myself, as I often do, I folded my arms on the sill of my bedroom window. Looking out I was thrilled to see the detail of the leaves on the trees, even the waves coming off Lake Michigan. Looking down, the flowers in the garden were so clearly detailed since my cataract surgery last month. That was something to be very grateful about. I now had 20/20 vision for the first time in my life. Before that my vision was so blurry.
Wait. My vision. So blurry before. Oh, no. Reality had struck!
I understood.
I see something similar when I look in the mirror, but I haven’t had my cataract surgery yet. What will I see afterwards? Yikes!
That is ever so funny! I went to a family event yesterday and saw my twin without glasses. I asked “Did you get contacts?” I was surprised when she said “I had cataract surgery. I don’t need glasses anymore.” I wonder if she is now noticing her wrinkles more. I laughed after I read this.
The ending! OMG. I confess it took me more seconds than I care to reveal to “get” it. Perfecto!
I know exactly how you feel! I had cataract/lasik surgery a year and a half ago & I not only couldn’t believe what I saw in the mirror but what I witnessed in my apartment! I was an absolute terrible “housekeeper!” I could see every dust, dirty floor, showers that I thought were clean 🧼 were disgusting! I could see everything! 👀😳 thank you Doctor for opening my eyes !!👀
What a great chuckle for the day! Thanks, Kate.
I loved your honesty and humor. I hope you don’t mind my sharing this with others.
This was hysterical! I hope you keep writing Kate, because this clever, vivid and funny piece made my day!!
Just a quick note to let you all know I’ve been in touch with Kate via email, she is reading –and enjoying –all these positive comments you’ve left for her but isn’t quite sure how to use her computer to respond to you all here on the blog to say thanks.
And I say, rest assured Kate will continue writing. The weekly assignment she writes for the class I lead at The Admiral are always thoughtful, and oftentimes amusing. Like this one!
Hilarious!! And oh, so true. Thank you Kate and thank you Beth for adding more smile wrinkles to my face…..I needed a smile today. About that cataract surgery…. I now have second thoughts.
Many thanks to Kate for her guest post! I didn’t “get” it until the mention of the cataract surgery.
Focus and clarity can be a 2-edged sword, eh?
Ha! You sound like a chaos theorist!
Maybe you can have the cataract surgery reversed. Your happiness is much more important then your eyesight .🤪
Witty piece! 🙂
Dear Charlene – I have to admit that I have also called the carpet cleaners and have dusted almost every day. But, it’s good exercise. Thanks for your comment. Kate
Dear Annelore – Don’t change your mind, it is soooo worth it. You can buy an antique mirror with the mottled surface, get a pair of really strong pair of readers or put a bag over your head for some instant relief. Any way you’ll have a clean house. Kate
Great reminder to look at the whole picture!! Just subscribed to this blog and can’t wait to read more.
Aunt Kate, this is great! Well written and funny—I’m loking forward to your next published work!
[…] pathologist at University of Illinois in Chicago, and after retiring, Dr. DiMauro moved with his wife Kate to Admiral at the Lake, where I lead a weekly memoir-writing class. While we all shelter in place, […]
[…] as a pathologist at University of Illinois in Chicago. After retiring, Dr. DiMauro moved with his wife Kate to Admiral at the Lake, where I lead a weekly memoir-writing class via Zoom. All of us who continue […]
[…] retiring, Dr. DiMauro and his wife Kate moved to Admiral at the Lake, where I lead a weekly memoir-writing class. For Valentine’s Day […]
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