Mondays with Mike: Crowd sourcing a new superhero

Drivers running red lights. Drivers causing gridlock. Drivers texting. Drivers watching TV on their phones. Pedestrians walking and texting or reading their phone. Bicyclists who don’t use those bike lanes we gave them. Pedestrians who walk in bike lanes. People who buy a damn plastic vest and slap it on their ill-trained dog and fake that it’s a legitimate service dog. People who let their dogs pee anywhere.

Sometimes people get on my nerves. And it’s beyond annoyance–lots of this stuff is dangerous. Last year was the worst for pedestrian fatalities in decades. This despite inroads on reducing drunk driving, cars that stop themselves and correct their courses themselves. There isn’t a smart automotive device that can make up for our stupidity sometimes.

I have this dream. A superhero who swoops down and smites people at just the instant they commit these various offenses. OK, maybe not smites them, but scares the bajeezus out of them. Something like what I experienced growing up—just about the instant I did or said something stupid, my mom was somehow right there and she’d thump the top of my head with her finger—as if if she was testing the ripeness of a melon. It didn’t really hurt but man it got my attention.

Anyway, I’d call the superhero BM Man or BM Woman. As in Behavior Modification.

Just think. Traffic would move better, walking wouldn’t be an adventure, dogs would only go where they should, we’d all learn to live in fear in of BM Woman and consequently, treat each other lots better than we do.

I see a graphic novel here.

The suggestion box is open.